Beerded Ladies

water + hops + malt + yeast + blog

This website is devoted to craft beer reviews, sudsy events, brewery tourism, stunning beertography, bad puns, offbeat beer pairings, dispatches from behind the bar and general beverage snobbery where we can apply terms like "biscuity" and talk about hop profiles.

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Government Shutdown: Beer Goggles

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When it comes to our political candidates, there's nothing Americans like more than "likability". Every Representative in Congress is there because that have shown themselves favorable enough to represent the values of their constituents, but more importantly the 535 members of Congress represent the people Americans would most like to have a beer with. And ever since a 2004 Zogby/Williams poll question popularized the drinking buddy as a litheness test for likability, the results have always tended to favor Republicans. Sadly, the Government Shutdown has changed that... 

Being the person-you-would-rather-have-a-beer-with means different things to different people and if you're like me, who that person is depends on the mood you're in. Some nights the person I would rather have a beer with is the one who can philosophize for hours about the meaning of life, and sometimes that person is the one who's going to play Edward 40-hands and then take a leak on my neighbors yard butt. And it appears as though a couple years ago, enough people were in the right mood to vote for the latter. 

Now, I can see why - for some in America - it would have been appealing to go for this type of drinking buddy; the charismatic Republican. Thousands were out of work, the economy was bad, and their traditional morals seemed so disjointed. Sometimes you just want to escape your problems and have a beer with the kind of person who shakes things up and brings a party to life! But it's a giant leap from lawn ornament pissing to putting thousands more Americans out of work, putting vital programs on hold and not paying our nations Veterans. Sometimes, the person who brings a party to life can take it too far and immediately bring it to a screeching halt.

So - and I hate to be the one that has to say it, but - Republicans, America no longer wants to have a beer with you. 

Look, America invited you because they wanted you to be a part of this thing. Not so you could show up at the last minute with a six-pack of Bud Light Lime, make everyone stop drinking and insist that we get rid of all the other beer because, as you insist, "Everyone should drink Bud Light Lime instead -- it's better for business, it's better for America!" There's not enough of your beer for everyone and it's Bud Light Lime! (I know you picked it because you think women love it - we don't.) Plus, America already decided that we would have a variety of beer and in equal amounts available for everyone, that's why we're doing this. And was we've repeated several times now, it's already happening.

Now, America isn't saying that they wouldn't want to have a beer with you ever again, just not right now with you the way that you're acting. Please stop insisting you're fine when you're not making any sense and talking to us with your eyes closed. Have some water and we'll find somewhere to prop you upright so when you pass out you won't choke on your own vomit. We're gonna keep this thing going for awhile so feel free to sleep as long as you want; you can join us when you wake up. And don't worry, you know how America is, after they've been here awhile and they've had a few, you'll probably start to look good to them again.

-HK

 

Are you there, beer? It's me, Hayley.

What do moms want for Mother's Day?

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I'm not sure. In lieu of offspring and in place of always a bouquet of Lilies, this year I'd love for a fantastic craft beer to be my Mother's Day present. BUT, unless it's Heineken my mom doesn't usually drink beer. Many moms don't drink beer at all and for a number of good reasons. They avoid carbs and yeast because getting older means quirkier digestion and easy weight gain. They don't like anything too strong tasting, for reasons Google can't seem to explain though I can verify through experience. 

That could all change this Mother's Day...

Take mom on a brewery tour! Take her! Take her! She shall see! (Green Eggs and Ham, you learned from that book!) You know the right thing to do. And The Pink Boots Society's president Teri Fahrendorf, has urged all brewpubs and packaging breweries to offer tours and beer samplings this coming Sunday, for Mother's Day. And for good reason...

"At one time, all beer was brewed by mothers in their homes for their family," Fahrendorf says. But the Industrial Revolution turned a household activity into a business, and brewing became stereotyped as a big-muscle, men-only job." - Washington Post

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If there's no accessible brewery in your area, here's a couple of beers that you could bring in a lovely basket - with flowers - to a Mother's Day brunch that you prepared BECAUSE IT'S MOTHER'S DAY AND YOUCANCOOKFORONCEGODDAMNIT!

If your mom usually drinks:

1.WINE, go with a Sour or Saison.

Mom's LOVE wine. If this is your mom's drink of choice get her a beer with similar palate points. Like Goose Island Lolita, a Belgian style pale ale/sour and aged on raspberries and wine barrels. It has bright jammy fruit flavors and is crisp and refreshing. Or go for the Jolly Pumpkin Bam Noire which would be a fantastic red wine replacement. Dark and smooth with hints of sweet plum, and cacao with just enough tartness to let you know it's a Saison.  

2. ROLLING ROCK (or similar), try a Session IPA or a light Hefeweizen.

Can't go wrong with Rogue's MoM which is a tasty light Hefeweizen that is brewed with rose petals. Or the Founder's All Day IPA which is not only a pretty 4.7% ABV but is deliciously malty enough to ease mom into the amazing world of craft IPAs.

3. HEINEKEN... ugh, I mean...

This is tough. I've gotten this question a handful of times at the bar I work at, "Do you have anything on tap that's like Heineken " No. There's nothing that's quite like it; it is in a category of terrible all it's own. If your mom has a particular enough taste that this is her beer of choice, I'd go all the way with a really nice IPA. The Stone Enjoy By 05.17.13 is FANTASTIC. Eleven different hops added at all points of the brew process. It's a veritable hop party in your mouth! 

Take the plunge. If she hates it, make it a joke and say "just kidding" and pull out a six pack of Heineken or some Black Box red wine that you've already chilled in the fridge. Works. Every. Time.

-HK

Are you there, beer? It's me, Hayley.

What beer pairs best with cleaning up after Sandy?

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It’s been nearly four months since Hurricane Superstorm Sandy and small specs of hope are begining to emerge for the monstrous piles of rubble and sand. One in particular to note is this collab’ brew between Brewery Ommegang and Barrier Brewing.

Barrier Brewer Craig Frymark says it all,

“That’s exactly the kind of beer I’d like to drink while I’m cleaning up our brewery.” - WBNG-TV

I couldn’t agree more. Light, with just enough hoppyness to balance the strong Belgiany-ness that is Ommegang’s signature. Bonus: you don’t have to be shoveling sand while drinking this beer to help with the relief efforts. All proceeds from this delicious brew go directly towards helping Barrier Brewing get back on their feet. Search here to find where Barrier Relief is pouring near you and grab a pint!

-HK

Are you there, beer? It's me, Hayley.

Shower Beer!

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The other day my friend Whitney got a text from her friend: "Why is beer always more refreshing in the shower?" Whitney turned to me with a smile and a nod of acknowledgement. I starred back blankly, confused.

"You've never had a shower beer?" she asked.

"No," I replied. And at that moment another thought occurred to me: I've never lived.

Whitney tried to be sympathetic and explain that this was something she learned from "a true alcoholic." But it took two clicks on Google to realize that alcoholism is not what's necessary to be familiar with the shower beer.

Hell, these guys started a business based on it. As Co-Founder (or whatever) of Shakoolie, Zach Walsh explains:

"The shower beer is different for everyone. It could be the end to a bad day or the start to a good day. Either way, it is a point of enjoyment for anyone who partakes. That's where Shakoolie focuses--let's make this experience that people look forward to better and easier." - Shakoolie.com

Courtesy Shakoolie, here's a handy diagram of where NOT to put your shower beer, aka you totes def need a Shakoolie.

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BUT WAIT!!! I HATE drinking out of bottles and cans. How can I have a shower beer?!

TUBMUG to the rescue!

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"If there's anything better than a hot shower and a cold beer, we don't want to know about it." - TubMug.com

Note: TubMug creators do not want to know about 95% of the things I could share with them.

If you are also new to the shower beer and are now sorting through this wealth of information (TubMug? Toilet beer?) please remember one thing: YOU'RE ABOUT TO DRINK A BEER IN THE SHOWER. So you know, stick with the theme and go with what's cheap and easy.

Here are my instructions:

Step 1: If you have a stable corner located in your shower ABOVE where water is pouring out onto your body, place your cold beer there and enjoy!

Step 2: If you do not, take a shower and wait to drink your beer later for Christ's sake.

Step 3: If neither of these is an option, leave the water off, put on a bike helmet and stand in your shower with a beer.

Still counts.

-HK

Are you there, beer? It's me, Hayley.

Happy New Beer!

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Balls are dropping, bottles are popping and there are an endless amount of meaningless Bowl games on TV. It’s the start of another calendar year! Hurray! (Who cares?!) Time to grab the perfect craft beer to mark this occasion. If you are currently…

At home in your pajamas

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Grab a six pack of Oskar Blues G’Knight (or any Imperial Brew) and call me on Skype.

10… 9… 8…

BYOB’ing it to your friend’s/family’s/boss’s party

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Four words: craft beer variety pack. I know it makes you look like you put zero effort into picking out your brews, but not only is that the truth, it's best way to please a handful of people and re-introduce yourself as a craft beer connoisseur. If you have time to order online, Beer On The Wall. If you’re frantically trying to decide what to wear, check out stores that allow you to create your own variety packs from their beer selection (Trader Joes is one) OR, be crafty while buying craft and head to any liquor store for 3 six-packs; one Wheat, an IPA, and a Dark Ale or Amber. You and everyone else will be happy. 

7… 6… 5…

Working

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Me too. Sucks. (So you can’t actually call me on Skype, sorry.) But you’re going to make money, so spend some cash on some good craft beer to come home to. One 22 oz bottle of something you haven’t tasted, bonus points for a brewery you’re never tried. A new experience for the New Year. 

4… 3… 2… 1…

Happy. New. Year.

Are you there, beer? It's me, Hayley.

What Beer Pairs Best With Thinking About Quitting Your Job?

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You've had enough and you’ve got to decide right now. Is it worth it? The money, your time? You earn just enough to pay rent and eat, but you know there must be something better than feeling like you want to run every time you get within 10 feet of where you clock in. Don’t walk out just yet - think it over with one of these beers first.

Depending on your emotional exhaustion…

“If my boss says one more shitty thing to me…" - 21st Amendment Bitter American

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A "tribute to unsung, unwitting heroes everywhere" this session ale is light, with mild bitterness, hints of citrus and is much easier to swallow than your current situation. Enjoy while you convince yourself to keep it together. Look, everyone hates being told to work harder when they are already working as hard as they can. Your boss is an AMAZING micro-manager. You are not. That’s why you do what you do and to be fair, you're lucky to have a way to bring money in the door. Life’s not so bad, just finish that beer and buy someone else one (karma). You’re going to be fine.

“I feel like less of a human being every time I go to work and have considered 'accidentally' injuring myself in order to go home early. Being on the street would be more fulfilling at this point. Seriously." - Lagunitas Wilco Tango Foxtrot

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“A malty robust, jobless recovery ale,” that ”was brewed specifically to honor this dismal period in American history.”  Sit down, take your coat off, and escape for a moment into this beer. Smell it first and really take it in. Floral notes take you to a field far away with a hint of roasted malts that remind you of a simpler time in your life. It’s easy drinking, but rich and you can definitely (but lightly) taste that delicious chocolate. Take another sip. Breathe. Now open your eyes and awake to reality: you’re not actually able to enjoy this beer because it is most likely no longer available to you in bars/stores. You missed it. What else have you missed because you’re been stressing over this awful, awful job? Find another strong ale on tap, drink up and put in your two weeks tomorrow.

“I have to choose between keeping this job and surviving, OR doing something I love and starving." - Left Hand Milk Stout

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It’s thick and chewy but lighter than Guinness. Chocolaty, silky with hints of coffee. A good thinking brew. And you’ve got a thinker on you. What should you do about your job/life? On one hand… but on the other… I don’t know. The above is what I ask myself Every. Damn. Day. And, I'm still ordering Milk Stouts and trying to figure it out... good luck.

-HK

A note for all you potential quitters out there, some places have awesome industry nights. If you’re in Brooklyn, check out Buschenschank Sunday and Monday nights with FREE pizza and amazing drink specials. I’m sure you know some too. Shout it out to your working class brothers and sisters! We need to help each other and we need all the help we can get.